Yes It Takes Time

    “It will get better.” “It takes time.” “Be patient, things will change.” “Everything happens for a reason.” All of these things are true. We’ve all heard them in regards to something in our lives and we may have experienced their truth and said them to others.

    I won’t be saying these things to my mom this week. It’s not that it’s the first Christmas without Dad. It doesn’t matter if it’s a holiday or a Tuesday it’s another day without Dad for her. Even if all the sayings are true it doesn’t change the way things are today. Each day you have to find the strength in life to face whatever challenges there are. The challenges are real whether it’s money, job, relationships, or the loss of a loved one. I think the strength comes in not going backwards. Not letting what has happened or what didn’t get done consume you so that you are unable to go forward to make it to the point that all of the sayings come to fruition. In any of these situations who wouldn’t want to just go to sleep or crawl under a rock until the “required” time has passed. The reason you can’t is for several reasons which I think the biggest is that the “required” time is different for everyone. Point being is that there isn’t an actual required time. Another reason you can’t crawl under a rock and wait it out is that each passing day makes you stronger that you have made it.

    I’m combining physical things with emotional things because it’s the best analogy to help people understand. Rarely do people look at emotional issues in the same way that they do physical ones. You look at a bone sticking out of someone’s skin and you say ‘Holy shit, that has to hurt!’ You can’t see the same pain when someone is hurting emotionally or grieving. Here’s my analogy… If someone has a crushed leg they can be told that “it will get better” “it takes time”. It may be true but it doesn’t change the fact that they are in excruciating pain at the moment. I can’t imagine an EMT arriving at the scene and saying, “It will get better” You would say, “Gee thanks. That’s swell. Do you have a time frame? My leg really smarts right now though.” We know they can’t just go to sleep or crawl under a rock and wake up when it’s better. Then when you woke up you would still need for your leg to heal and get therapy. I’m not a doctor or an expert of any sort so my analogies might be pretty lame. Compare the scenario with someone who has lost a loved one or had a relationship end. It will get better in time. However, it doesn’t make it hurt any less each day that you are in pain until it gets better.

    I am doing great. I’ve said that so many times to people that it may seem that I’m trying to convince myself. If that’s the case then it’s working because I do feel great. But having my wife leave abruptly prompted all those comments of ‘It will get better’ etc… They were all true. It didn’t make me feel better though and as a matter of fact I knew it was true but was almost annoying to constantly be reminded. I’m a stronger better person.

    So now I will not use those words on my mom no matter how true they are. Now reminding her to be active and interact with others. I’ll keep doing that.